So I've been reading a book that delves into some pretty heady stuff: the infinitesimal smallness of protons and the infinite vastness of the universe, for example. (In case you're interested, here's a link -- it's called A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson.) Haven't gotten too far in yet, but enough so to get me thinking about things like eternity and consciousness and the meaning of life, and the relative triviality of my problems and opinions and best-laid plans for world domination.
I find strange comfort in this, in being just a laughably minute piece of an impossibly large puzzle. I suppose it could be seen as depressing... "here we are, completely powerless little pissants marooned on this tiny little speck of a planet"; or it could be a bit troubling... "hey, no matter what I do, it doesn't really matter, so I am free of all responsibility". But it can also bring a certain perspective and humility, so that I realize a) however bad I screw up, I probably won't irreparably break the universe or the planet; b) my sufferings really aren't that big of a deal; and c) I am part of something miraculous and wonderful, and absolutely privileged to have the chance to experience and contribute to it.
I also suspect that the first law of thermodynamics applies to the human form as well. The energy that is me was here long before me and will be here long after I am gone. This is nice. Comforting. Poetic even. I can only imagine what forms I must've been before my current lifespan, or what forms I will take after I am dead and gone. A lot of dissipation and attraction and chance involved, to be sure, but what a fascinating and utterly exquisite arrangement to contemplate in any case.
So as I sign off for now and get back to the mundane stuff of daily life, I remain:
a piece of eternity,
with my faith in an impossibly awesome universe
intact,
a pulse of energy,
filled with gratitude for the opportunity to say
I am.
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